Are You All That You Can Be as a Parent?
The short answer is no. Spoiler alert: That’s the long answer too.
The truth is you will never achieve an idealized state of motherhood or fatherhood. You can beat yourself up for this reality, or you can embrace it. Accepting your imperfection doesn’t mean cultivating imperfection. But forgiving yourself for your parental failings means you might have a little more energy left at the end of the day to focus on parenting, rather than your own guilt. Since you won’t always be able to nail every aspect of parenting, focus on the skills that are most important to you and your family. Ask yourself:
What attributes of your parenting do you most want your child to remember in 20 years?
You won’t always achieve your every parenting aspiration. So determine what qualities you most want your child to see in you as a parent. Did you carve out lots of quality time for your child? Did you affirm your child’s talents and build her self-esteem? Did you consistently let him know he is loved? Focusing on the legacy you most want to leave your children can keep your parenting priorities manageable.
What do you naturally do well as a parent?
Are you a good listener? Are you more patient than most? Are you a good provider? Remembering what you do well as a parent is as important as knowing what you need to improve. Parenting can be a daunting task—reminding yourself of your strengths can help keep you motivated.
Are your other key relationships functional?
As important as it is to be a good parent, the health of your other key relationships also impacts your child’s well-being. Ongoing, excessive strife with your partner or other close family members can take a toll on your child. Conflict is often unavoidable, but eliminating unconstructive or violent contention from your close relationships helps protect your child from needless drama. By nurturing your other key relationships, you help cultivate a nurturing environment for your child.
What is most important to your child?
Knowing what expressions of love are most critical to your child can also keep things manageable. While we all need various demonstrations of love, most children are particularly responsive to certain types of affection. Does your child particularly crave verbal encouragement, physical affection, quality time, etc.? Focus first on the expressions of love that are most critical to your child’s sense of well-being, then incorporate the other elements whenever possible.
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Source: Content provided by Two of Us.org