By Mark Eckel | Engagement Insider

Vinita Reed has a simple message for the wives of current players in the NFL: “Later happens.’’

Vinita is the wife of former NFL wide receiver Jake Reed, who played 12 seasons for the Minnesota Vikings and the New Orleans Saints. She met her husband when they were both at Grambling State, got married when he was playing for the Vikings, and have been married for 20 years.

“When they are playing and then retire it’s just so much different,’’ Vinita said. “I tell (the wives of young players) you support them when they’re playing, so you have to support them when they retire.’’

Vinita has spoken mostly one on one with both the wives of current players and retired players on how to cope with those differences. She would like to branch out, with the help of the NFL, to speak to groups of wives.

“They do so much for the players’ enrichment after they retire,’’ she said. “They need to do it for the wives, too. I would like to be a resource. I want to help. The divorce rate among retired players and their wives is extremely high. I hate to see that. I care so much about the family.’’

In 2002, a year after Jake retired, the Jake and Vinita Reed Foundation was established. The organization works toward enriching and building the lives of children, adults and families. The main focus is on education, health, nutrition and exercise as well as social concerns.

Presently, the Reeds live in Dallas with their two children, J.R., a senior in high school who has signed a letter of intent to play football next year at SMU and Jaevin, a sophomore who is a cheerleader, a track star and a member of the National Honor Society.

After staying home with the children, Vinita returned to teaching at Prestonwood Christian Academy where both J.R. and Jaevin go to school.  

“We have a happy marriage,’’ Vinita said. “We’ve lasted 20 years, I think that’s inspiring. I’m not saying every day was blissful. We’ve had ups and downs, but we made it.’’

So many others haven’t and Vinita wants to try to help more families succeed the way she and Jake have.

“The reality shows aren’t real life,’’ she said. “There is just so much a player goes through after retirement, physically, mentally and emotionally. As his wife, you have to be there for him. You have to stay the wind beneath his wings.

“Physically, their bodies are deteriorating from the punishment they took for so long, and they are in a lot of pain. From a mental point, they are no longer on the team, that camaraderie is gone. Again, as their wife you have to be there for them. Love him the same way now, as you did when you married him.

“Emotionally, there are times when depression and anxiety set in, you hear about it all the time. What I like to do is tell the young wives, ‘the game will end.’ I use the term ‘Game over, now what?’ Just like you buy car insurance and life insurance, you have to prepare for the day when the game is over.’’

Vinita remembers when Jake was playing for the Vikings and Cris Carter’s wife, Melanie, spoke with her about a lot of the same topics.

“We became friends then and we’re still friends,’’ she said. “I want to help people the same way. I’ve done a lot of one on one talking and I want to do more of it only on a larger scale. I want to make an impact. I want to be able to help. I want to tell them what it takes to make a marriage last 20 years. It’s not always easy. But it can be done.’’

Consider the fact that a football players career usually ends some time in their 30s, that when a lot of other careers are just getting started.

“They’re young men, but their bodies are beat up, and a lot of times they just don’t know what to do,’’ Vinita said.

“As wives, we can’t get caught up in all of the hype. We’re the ones who have to stay grounded. He’s not going to play forever. Preparation is the key.’’

Because, as Vinita Reed likes to say, “later happens.’’