Before Kaye earned the letters Ph.D. she found herself across the dinner table from a “friendly man with a commanding demeanor.” Before Colin was in the NFL, he found himself next to a determined graduate student with an extra ticket to see Former President Bill Clinton speak at a lecture series. Kaye and Colin, whose paths first crossed on campus in the midwest, have continued to find themselves in the unlikeliest of places.

Over twelve years, Kaye and Colin Cole have been a part of five NFL teams, earned two new degrees, and are raising three children. When I caught up with Kaye, Colin was starting his ninth NFL season and she was in the throes of life as an NFL wife. She gracefully paused to reflect back on their journey together in the NFL.

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Our story is actually quite comical.  I initially met Colin during my brother’s football recruiting visit at Iowa Spring 2002. Various universities were recruiting my brother. My brother and I are very close, so we made a pact that I would earn my doctorate at the university he decided to attend. This was a no-brainer. In my mind, it would either be Virginia Tech or Maryland. He decided to take his official visit to Iowa. IOWA????  My mom couldn’t attend the visit with him so I tagged along (thinking this was mere formality). We toured the campus, met various people, marveled over Kinnick Stadium and joked about the cornfields and pig farms.

During the visit, we attended a recruitment dinner and as fate would have it, Colin happened to be one of the current players hosting a prospective Hawkeye. We sat across from each other and bantered about which state produced the best athletes and Colin—having grown up in Florida—naturally sided with the Floridian-side of the discussion. It wound up being a great conversation and I remember leaning over to my brother and saying, “I hope this guy doesn’t hit on me.”

He didn’t and the following day my brother was offered a scholarship to attend Iowa. Colin and I parted ways for nearly a year before I saw him again. Once I enrolled at the university, I would see him around campus. One particular week, former President Bill Clinton was scheduled to speak at a lecture series at the university and I had three tickets. I invited a colleague/friend and my brother. My brother bailed on me the day before the lecture and I was left with an extra ticket. My goal? Give away the ticket to the next person I saw that I knew—that person happened to be Colin.

We have been inseparable since that day. My initial attraction to him was very simplistic. Colin has a quiet, yet commanding demeanor. There was a sense of mystery about him that I wanted to discover. He was polite, friendly and cuddly. He was a great conversationalist (when he did talk) and he was just cool to be around.

When Craig was drafted, I assumed that I would be one of the few wives of NFL players who valued higher education.But it was such a treat getting to know so many others with advanced degrees. What inspired you to earn your PhD?

While earning my Master and Educational Specialist degrees at the University of South Carolina in K-12 School Counseling, I learned a great deal about the dynamic needs of school-aged children. Once I uncovered my desire to educate others, earning my PhD was the next appropriate step. While I was fulfilling the requirements to earn my Master’s and Ed Specialist, I started taking PhD classes with an AMAZING group of PhD students. I was hooked! The preverbal light bulb went off and I was on my way! My new goal was a win-win. I could reach FAR more school-aged children by educating future school counselors versus entering the school system as a clinician.

What surprised you most about the NFL when you first came into the league?

I was surprised by a number of things, but the most surprising was the number of stereotypes that existed about NFL wives. I heard a number of bone-rattling assumptions ranging from gold digging women to submissive doormats. Additionally, I think a common misconception is that NFL wives have an “easy” life. HA! I WELCOME a day full of lollipops, rainbows, unicorns, buttery cupcakes, pixie dust and confetti. Topped off perfectly with spa appointments, lunch with friends and mind-blowing shopping trips.

The bulk of my day consists of errand running, household managing, husband-schedule facilitating, carpooling, kid hazardous waste cleaning and small brushfire extinguishing. Couple the aforementioned with dealing with societal pressures and the physical and emotional demands of one’s husband’s career and I’d venture to say that NFL wives are the backbone of many families across the league. The truth is that NFL wives are an incredibly diverse group of women who are educated, talented and hardworking.

Colin started his career in the NFL more than a decade ago. What has been the highlight of your time together in the NFL?

As you know, NFL life is filled with many twists and turns. We’ve ridden the “highs” and weathered the “lows.” We’ve met incredible friends along the way and had the opportunity to experience things that we once believed were unattainable. We have fond memories of ALL the places we’ve been! Our children are little reminders of those travels – each being born in the city Colin played – Green Bay, Seattle and Charlotte.

I know Colin will agree with me when I say that the highlight of our time together in the league came once Colin made his comeback with the Carolina Panthers after being out for TWO years. On October 31, 2010, Colin sustained a horrible ankle injury. He was out for five weeks. He played throughout the playoffs and decided that once the season ended, he would undergo surgery. One surgery turned into four due to a staph infection prior to training camp. The Seahawks would release him at the conclusion of training camp. We were devastated, but unbroken. Colin rehabbed for months and received a few phone calls here and there—nothing solid. We weren’t comfortable with him playing the 2011 season, so the decision was made to sit out for the remainder of the season. The 2012 season was dismal. No calls or no workouts for the entire season—all while still training. Colin decided to take matters into his own hands in February 2013. He fired his longtime agent and friend and started cold calling. The Panthers signed him that month and then resigned him for another year before this season.

In Green Bay, you were a part of Football 101, a program for female fans to learn the basics of football. You then helped bring this program to Seattle. What inspired you to be a part of this program that is now held in multiple NFL cities?

Football has been a HUGE part of my life since I was a child. On Sunday’s, you could find me watching a game with my daddy. As I got older, I learned quickly that the ladies would gather in the kitchen as the guys crowded the television. Being in the kitchen just wasn’t my style so I hung out with the guys. There, I learned so much more about the game—schemes, play calling, rules and player reviews. I always found myself “educating” my girlfriends during game time (which annoyed me). As fate would have it, I married an athlete and my love for the sport continued to grow. When I was asked to participate in Football 101 as a Packer wife and later as a Seahawks wife, I JUMPED at the opportunity to work with women who wanted to learn about the X’s and O’s of football. It has truly been a rewarding experience!

What advice might you give new NFL wives who are just coming into the league?

New NFL wives should know the following:

1)   The NFL is a business. Never take anything personal.

2)   Establish a support system. Find out if the player’s current team has a women’s association or a networking group geared for women.

3)   Be involved! Find an organization that you love and volunteer.

4)   Find ways to use any past schooling or training you’ve received.

5)   Be a “soft” place to land. Guys are subjected to rigorous practices and tons of meetings. Additionally, the psychological aspect of professional football is incredibly taxing. Providing a safe haven is crucial to the continued success of the player as a whole.

6)   Don’t lose yourself! This lifestyle is consuming! Find hobbies and tasks you enjoy and maintain them.

7)   You don’t have to be perfect, just be strong.

Great advice! What are your plans when Colin’s football career is over? What’s next for the Cole family?

While pursuing my doctorate, we established The Cole Group. Our business provides consultation services to high school student-athletes, parents/guardians, school counselors and other members of the school system. We’ve essentially merged the best of both worlds—my research and clinical experiences with student-athletes and Colin’s extensive knowledge about and experience as a student-athlete and professional athlete. Additionally, we have our hands in a number of projects, so stay tuned!