Danielle (Herndon) Carlson was a heavily recruited high school athlete when she chose to play volleyball for Notre Dame. She had no idea that the choice she made based on academics and athletic competition would ultimately be the choice that led her to her husband and to her future as an NFL wife.
You and John were both collegiate athletes at Notre Dame. What led to your decision to attend that school?
I chose to go to Notre Dame because it was the best opportunity for me academically while competing at a high level of volleyball. It has a big name, but is actually a smaller school with around 8000 undergrads when we were there, which allowed me to not get lost in the classrooms and to get to know my professors.
What were your initial impressions of John and how did you first meet?
I met John at the end of our freshman year in college, but we were both dating other people at the time. My initial impression of him was that he was very attractive and intelligent. We were reintroduced to each other again the summer before our junior year and started dating our junior year. He was still very good looking.
What impressed you most about him when you started dating?
I was impressed by his listening skills, since I am a bit of a talker. Not much has changed in that area of our relationship. I am still the talker and he is still the listener, except now our oldest child has the talking gene, so neither of us gets a word in when our son is around.
I know that you love football and enjoy game days. Do you have any game day rituals or superstitions?
Before we had children, we lived in Seattle. I went to the same coffee shop every game day to get an Americano. Now, after having children, I just drink my coffee from the same coffee cup at home during away games and I take care of our kids. My mom sometimes helps me watch our youngest children and I take our oldest son to the home games to cheer for John.
You mentioned your children. You are now the mother of three young children, and you have been a part of three NFL cities. Tell me about those blessings/challenges and how you’ve prevailed?
We have enjoyed being in different NFL cities for the chance to experience and live in different parts of the country. We have been blessed with life-long friendships with couples in each of the cities where we have lived.
There have also been challenges that come with moving. Uprooting and moving and not immediately feeling connected to a community is tough, particularly with children. With our children being so young, we are juggling naps, preschool, and football season and that doesn't leave a lot of time for socializing. So, having to move on top of that makes it harder to have time to connect with people, which can be lonely at times.
I think we have prevailed by relying on each other. We are both close to our families, but moving away from them right after marriage has made us depend on each other. When we have had disagreements, we don't have anywhere to go, so we stay and work out the disagreement. The knowledge that we will not always live so far from home is also very helpful to get us through some of the lonely days.
You and John are both committed to maintaining a healthy marriage. What are some things that you do to keep your marriage strong?
One thing we do to keep our marriage strong no matter where we are is finding a sitter right away and schedule weekly date nights. The season can be stressful, so it's nice to know we have a date on the calendar every week where we can sit down and just focus on each other. We try and have open live communication between us, which the date night helps with. Getting our children to sleep through the night is a high priority for us as well because that allows us to have more time together. It also makes it easier for us to have a sitter come over if we know our kids are in bed and sleeping.
I know it can be taboo to think about life after football while you’re still in the NFL. Have the two of you ever talked about what life after football might look like for you?
As taboo as it is to talk about, we have to talk about life after football because it can happen at anytime. We talk and think about what will be best for our kids with schools and people involved in their everyday lives. We would like our kids to have a well-rounded education and we would like to be in a place that has a community of people that can invest in our children and where we can continue to build life long friendships.
What advice do you have for new NFL couples?
- Keep God as your center and continue to seek Him because if you are both heading towards the same point (God) then that will bring you together.
- Find couples on your team who have been married longer than you and seem to have a good marriage. Spend as much time with them as possible. You are a sum of those with whom you spend time. It is important to be around healthy happy marriages and families.