By Rachel Terrill
Engagement Insider
Have you ever thought about the story of your life? Who are the supporting characters and what role do you play? Where did your story begin and who have you become? Are you a victim? A hero? A champion? Have you overcome? Worked hard? Given up? Settled? Achieved?
How you tell the story of your past is the #1 predictor of your current level of happiness.
Don’t believe me? Consider how happy you are right now in your current relationship. Now, write down your love story. Reread it. What do you see?
What might happen if you reinterpreted or changed the moments that you chose to include in your story?
Here’s an example from my life:
Our Love Story:
Craig and I met in college and were instantly attracted to each other. Neither of us said a word because we were both in other relationships. One night, Craig sang to me by my car and I knew I wanted to hear him sing forever. Three years later, and four states away, we had our first kiss. A few months later, he was drafted to play in the NFL, which set our lives on a path of fairytale adventures. He was my big strong hero who played the sport he loved in front of millions of fans while I cheered for him. He sacrificed his body daily for the future of our family. During his time in the NFL, we grew much stronger in our faith in Jesus Christ, fell in love with the city where he played, and cemented life-long friendships with his teammates and their wives. Soon after he retired from football, I graduated with my Ph.D. We have two adorable daughters and we are excited about what the future might hold.
Another Perspective:
Craig and I met in college but didn’t start dating until I was in graduate school. It was bad timing because I was just a year into a five-year graduate school program. A few months after we started dating, he was drafted to play football all the way across the country. I gave up my dream of being a traditional graduate school student to follow him. He was gone all the time, in our only vehicle, so I spent my days in our small dark apartment. By the time he got home, it was dark out, so I rarely saw the sun. He gave his life to football while I struggled to continue working on my degree from too far away. Eventually, the team told him he was too old to play football. The time I devoted to him and our kids took me away from school so I am not as prepared to be in a competitive academic job. Now, he’s unemployed and so am I. Sometimes I don’t even get out of my pajamas. It’s hard for me to imagine the future.
...
How you story your relationship matters. You will believe the story you tell yourself and others. We have all had happy times and we have all had sad times. We have all been hurt and we have all hurt others. But we've also overcome.
What stories do you tell of your spouse? If you don’t know, just ask your closest friends. You might be surprised by what they tell you.
Here’s the scary thing: If you don’t change the negative stories you’re telling, you will continue to live them. It takes a purposeful re-storying to escape that bondage.
It saddens me to hear people speaking poorly of their spouses. There is never a reason to speak poorly of the one you love. The hard truth: The more you say it, the more you will believe it.
The happiest couples speak fondly of each other and tell stories of overcoming the inevitable hardships of life together.
How to Re-Story Your Relationship:
1. Make a list of five positive attributes of your spouse. Share your list, inconspicuously, with at least three other people (one of them should be your spouse!).
2. Write your love story from the beginning. Remember the best of what you have shared. If you stumble upon the hard times, be sure to show how you have grown because of the difficulties that you made it through. Every good story includes moments of tension. The most important part of your story is the ending...it should end with you both living in love together...Happily Ever After.
Resource: www.rachelterrill.com