Trust and forgiveness are essential components to a healthy relationship.
Why does forgiveness matter? Put simply, if a person cannot forgive, there is very little reason to continue to trust. Trust and forgiveness are essential components to a healthy relationship. For centuries philosophers and theologians have grappled with the complexity of forgiveness and sought to answer the question of why it matters. Recently, innovative researchers have defined forgiveness as:
1. Taking less personal offense
2. Reducing anger and the blaming of the offender
3. Developing an increased understanding of situations that often lead to feeling hurt and angry
Addressing the issue of forgiveness in a relationship can be challenging. For some couples, forgiving comes more easily. For others it means forgetting being wronged and can be associated with being violated or wanting revenge. Many people respond to hurt by protecting themselves from being vulnerable to another. The good news is that forgiveness can be learned.
Below are some strategies you can use to address forgiveness in your relationship.
1. Accept that interactions can be the heart of joyful learning or the source of hurt and pain. It is an individual’s choice to frame it one way or the other.
2. Reflect on your mutual behaviors during the day and focus on the actions that are life-giving and kind.
3. Spend little time reflecting on mistakes that you make or those that your partner makes.
4. Build on your strengths and manage your weaknesses together. Develop those positive aspects of yourself that come naturally and learn to accept with humility those areas of your life that are not as positive. Do the same for your partner.
5. Learn to live without perfection. Forgive yourself and your partner for being imperfect.
6. Expect some pain in life and expect humans to make mistakes.
7. Understand that there is little value in holding grudges; they only weigh you down.
8. Slow down the pace of making judgments on people’s actions and speed up the process of walking in their footsteps. Empathy and understanding of one’s history can ward off a great deal of unnecessary, incorrect interpretations.
9. Focus on your abilities, achievements, and goals as a couple instead of focusing on others. Focusing on others’ accomplishments can lead to jealousy and endless deprecation.
10. Learn the art of detachment. Be able to detach from the issue or problem causing the pain and look at it without emotion or judgment.
Forgiveness requires you to accept human imperfections, move past hurtful behavior, and enjoy a healthy future with your partner without resentment. Forgiveness is one of the keys to any lasting romantic relationship.
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Source: Content adapted from the NationalHealthyMarriageResourceCenter