By Lisa Zimmerman, Player Engagement Insider
In 2013 a lifetime of struggles with anxiety, depression and a handful of manic episodes came to a crescendo for Keith O’Neil. The former NFL linebacker was in desperately dark place after his wife’s miscarriage had triggered him into what he calls “a psychosis, a total manic state.” So, on one otherwise ordinary day, O’Neil tried to take his own life. It is an incident he has rarely spoken about publicly and came three years after his initial diagnosis in 2010 for bipolar disorder. In spite of that previous diagnosis, his struggles had continued mostly as a result of what can be a common challenge – finding the appropriate medication that worked well for him.
“As far back as I can remember I had anxiety and depression,” O’Neil said. “But I didn’t know what it was because I was so young. I was always afraid to go to sleep at night because my mind would race and I couldn’t sleep and that was scary. I was definitely a moody child. The whole family was on pins and needles; I was handled with care. I was also labeled as lazy because I was lying around. But it was depression. Even today I still go through my depressions.”
Throughout those ongoing battles, O’Neil managed to stay the course. He graduated from Northern Arizona University and was signed by the Dallas Cowboys as an undrafted rookie free agent in 2003. After two years with the Cowboys he signed with the Indianapolis Colts where he was part of their 2006 Super Bowl-winning team.
Football had always been a family affair, O’Neil’s father, Ed, was an All-American linebacker at Penn State University and was a first round pick in the 1974 NFL Draft by the Detroit Lions where he played through 1979 before spending his final year in the League with the Green Bay Packers. O’Neil’s brother Kevin played linebacker for Syracuse University. However, in spite of the familiar environment, O’Neil’s anxiety and depression stayed with him.
“During my playing days I would have had anxiety. It was a positive and negative for how I played, but I retired because of it. I’d had enough. We’d just won a Super Bowl and I was content. I said, ‘I can’t do it anymore.’”
In 2010, O’Neil was hospitalized and finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He and his wife, Jill, subsequently moved to Arizona because he felt like he needed a new start and change of scenery. In 2013, the couple welcomed their first child, a son. But then came that manic episode that turned out to be life-changing.
As a result of that event, O’Neil’s medications were altered and the new ones ultimately worked well in controlling his bipolar disorder. Although his illness is now well-managed, O’Neil is not able to work. He is on total and permanent disability through the NFL, which has allowed him to live his life and manage his disorder.
“I am grateful for that,” he said of the NFL’s disability package. “I was trying to work through my bipolar disorder, but I couldn’t work. It really saved my life.”
Although unable to work, O’Neil now devotes as much time and energy as possible to try to help others, by raising research funds and spreading awareness about mental illness through his 4th and Forever Foundation. There are also others in O’Neil’s family who have dealt with mental illness so his efforts are personal beyond just himself.
“This is a silent illness,” O’Neil said. “We’re focusing more on going into high schools and staying local. Initially, I wanted it to be this super huge foundation and help the whole country, but the end of the day there are people in my backyard who are suffering. I’ve had overwhelming emails and people reaching out to me and thanking me, saying, ‘This is what I deal with, or this is what my aunt deals with.’ I also wanted to give back to the people at the University of Buffalo who helped me.”
He also gets frequent in-person feedback at his speaking engagements. One incident that O’Neil remembers vividly took place when he and his wife (who often presents with him) were speaking to students the high school he attended in upstate New York. They had made several presentations to the students about mental illness and were then having follow-up discussions. One student suddenly stood up and announced that he had been living with bipolar disorder, and being part of the O’Neils’ presentations had finally made him feel comfortable enough to tell others about it. For O’Neil it was one of many rewarding moments he has experienced along the way.
“I thought it was awesome for him to do that,” O’Neil said. “It’s so important for people to feel free to be vocal about it.”
People affiliated with organizations he has spoken to regularly follow-up with him and connect him to individuals who are struggling – from professionals who are having difficulties of their own, to those who are concerned about a family member and need guidance. Whoever it is, O’Neil offers his own insights and direction as to how they might seek out appropriate help.
Now after years of his own struggles, O’Neil is in a totally different and much more peaceful place in life. The family has moved back to upstate New York where O’Neil was raised and he speaks regularly on behalf of his own foundation as well as organizations like the National Alliance of Mental Illness. He is also working on a book, with the help of a ghost writer, about his journey to provide another means of reaching out and helping others.
In addition to his older son, now four, O’Neil and his wife had a second son in 2016. Jill is a nurse so O’Neil is now happily being a stay-at-home dad when she is working. He continues to see a therapist regularly and he is grateful every day for the help he received – and continues to receive – and for the life that he and his family are now able to live.
“I got the help I needed with an awesome therapist,” he said. “Just looking at my kids now I can’t imagine not being there and what my family’s life would have been have been like if I had been successful [in my suicide attempt]. I feel like I got a second chance and I’m in a different place.”
For more information on Keith O’Neil’s 4th and Forever Foundation: www.keithoneil.com/foundation
- The NFL Life Line, established in 2012, is a 24/7 confidential crisis line available to all members of the NFL family – current and former players, league and team staff and family members of those groups. The free, confidential hotline is independently operated and staffed by trained counselors.
- In 2015, the NFL trained 200 league and club leaders to serve on Critical Response Teams (CRTs), which provide immediate and confidential crisis assistance—including safety, medical, legal and social services—to anyone in the NFL family, including spouses, significant others or other family members who have experienced abuse. All 32 clubs have established CRTs.
- The NFL’s Players Assistance and Counseling Services Program(Employee Assistance Program –EAP), operated by Cigna, connects members of the NFL family with special programs specifically designed for the NFL. EAP services, available for both current and former players, include eight free confidential counseling sessions per issue — regardless of what the issue is or when it might arise. These services are also available to anyone who lives in the household of an eligible current or former NFL player.
- All 32 NFL teams have a player engagement director to support players and their families on and off the field and encourage them to utilize the league resources available to them for health, wellness, education, among others.
- A network of mental health professionals regularly consults with clubs, advising them on best practices for enhancing total wellness among teams, staff and their families. Mental health education is also a part of club training camps and the rookie symposium.
- The NFL Player Care Foundation(PCF) is an independent organization dedicated to helping retired players improve their quality of life. PCF addresses all aspects of life by providing programs and assistance with medical, emotional, financial, social and community issues.
o Created in 2007 by a partnership between NFL owners, the NFL Players Association, Pro Football Hall of Fame, and the NFL Alumni Association, PCF is administered by a board of eight directors. The National Football League, NFL Players Association, Pro Football Hall of Fame and the NFL Alumni Association are each appointed a nominated director. In addition, four outside directors share their expertise in foundation management, mental health, social welfare issues, and healthcare.
o PCF offers free national screening programs to all former NFL players. It includes a series of cardiovascular and prostate screenings and mental health resources and education. Since its inception, PCF has screened more than 4,000 retired players
Lisa Zimmerman is a long-time NFL writer and reporter. She was the Jets correspondent for CBSSports.com, SportsNet New York’s TheJetsBlog.com and Sirius NFL Radio. She has also written for NFL.com.